Comedian Argus Hamilton - Jokes on the News, Daily:
"The White House reported five thousand more layoffs nationwide. Perhaps the worst is over. Joe Biden pointed out the unemployment rate among turkeys may be high today but the day after Thanksgiving there will be a lot more jobs per turkey."
Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:
Max the little camel walks into his parents' room at 3 a.m. and asks for a glass of water. "Another one?" says his father. "That's the second glass this month."
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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A couple who kept their whole apartment block awake with their non-stop love-making have won a case to halt their eviction. Judges ruled it could not be proved they were "making whoopee" at the time. Desperate neighbors in Stockholm, Sweden, had asked the court to kick the couple out for breaching the noise nuisance terms of their lease.
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Officer Hancock's police blotter:
Federal officials say they arrested a man who strapped 15 live lizards to his chest to get through customs at Los Angeles International Airport. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said the man was returning from Australia when U.S. Customs agents found 15 lizards fastened to his body. Authorities say the lizards' value totals more than $8,500.
This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!
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Rich's thought to ponder:
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
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Rich's quote of of the day:
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
- Henry David Thoreau
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Flash From The Hancock News Service!
(The most powerful name in odd news)
An epileptic actress in the UK has been criticized over plans to try and induce a fit on stage as part of a public performance. Rita Marcalo has stopped taking medication ahead of next month's production of Involuntary Dances at Bradford Playhouse. She is facing criticism for putting herself at risk and the voyeuristic nature of the 24-hour event. The over-18 audience will be provided with sleeping bags and breakfast - and will be woken by a siren the moment she suffers a seizure so they can film it on their mobile phones.
Breaking News, Politics, Commentary:
"According to a new poll, more Americans would like to have Thanksgiving dinner with Hillary Clinton than with Sarah Palin. Mainly, because no one wants to eat elk pie"
Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Over in the UK, a Dorset couple have named their new baby daughter Kia - after she had to be delivered on the back seat of a Kia vehicle. Tony Richardson and Samantha Smyth were heading to the hospital in the Kia when they realised they were not going to make it. Baby Kia was born at 4.30am in the back of the car - and the couple decided to ditch their original name of 'Tilley' to mark the unusual birth.
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Officer Hancock's police blotter:
A man in Conway, Arkansas was arrested after allegedly using a squeegee to hit another man during a fight over who was first in line at a gas pump.
This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!
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Rich's thought to ponder:
There is no hope for a civilization which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock.
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Visit our radio pro shop - click here!
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Rich's quote of of the day:
"Give me a man or woman who has read a thousand books and you give me an interesting companion. Give me a man or woman who has read perhaps three and you give me a dangerous enemy indeed."
- Anne Rice
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Flash From The Hancock News Service!
(The most powerful name in odd news)
An elderly man who went out to get a morning newspaper ended up driving nearly 400 miles after getting lost and taking a wrong turn onto a major Australian highway. The man, 81-year-old Eric Steward of Canberra, eventually stopped and asked for directions after driving for nine hours. Steward approached a policeman and asked for help. The man was reunited with his family and said he took the wrong turn and just kept on going.
Breaking News, Politics, Commentary:
"Earlier this week, Somali pirates attacked the same American ship they attacked this summer — but this time the ship drove the pirates off with a high-decibel noise-making device. The specific noise they used to repel the pirates: the 'Free Credit Report dot com' song."
Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:
A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You’re really doing great, aren’t you?"
The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor: ’Get a hot mamma and be cheerful’."
The Doctor said, "I didn’t say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful!"
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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Moldova's army is feeding its soldiers onions and garlic to help them ward off swine flu. Onion and garlic are traditional remedies in Moldova where they are widely believed to boost the immune system. About 6,500 troops serve in the army of Moldova, a small former Soviet republic bordering Romania and Ukraine.
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Officer Hancock's police blotter:
Officials said an elaborate marijuana growing site was found in an industrial building 25 feet from the back door of the Topanga police station in Los Angeles, and three people are under arrest.
This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!
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Rich's thought to ponder:
One of the lessons of history is that Nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
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Visit our radio pro shop - click here!
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Rich's quote of of the day:
"Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives." - Abba Eban
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Flash From The Hancock News Service!
(The most powerful name in odd news)
A basketball-sized chunk of ice crashed through the roof of a family's home after apparently falling from an airplane passing overhead. Danelle Hagan and her 9-year-old daughter were at home in Brush, Colorado when they heard the kitchen ceiling come crashing down. They were not injured. The ice chunk appears to be "Rime ice," which can build up on the outside of a plane's fuselage when it flies through cold and wet air. It does not appear the ice was "blue ice," which comes from an airplane's toilet.
"The Twilight Saga: New Moon" is showing in Kansas City. Our daughter, who lives in the KC area, was taking the day off from work and going to see it today. We live in a small rural town 70 miles east of Kansas City. So our movie theater gets movies a bit later. As a matter of fact, there is quite a buzz in town because tonight Elvis Presley's "Kissin' Cousins" opens.
Our theater has four seating areas:
General admission.
Smoking.
Chew.
and Bud Lite.
Comedian Argus Hamilton - Jokes on the News, Daily:
"Tiger Woods hurled his golf club sky-high into the gallery after he hit a poor tee shot in the Australian Masters. Souvenir seekers lunged for it. Of course they are in Australia so the golf club circled the crowd and flew right back into his hand."
End of an Era: Oprah Winfrey to end celebrated TV talk show in 2011:
"She is closing out one of the most successful runs of a daytime talk show in television history. Over the course of her run, she's beaten every competitor, and proven she can move people to vote, buy books, clothes, and even face cream.
Winfrey and Discovery Networks have a partnership to launch the Oprah Winfrey Network, which she will program. The latest buzz has it going live in 2011."
Oprah has made a fortune during her career. Even with the economy being bad. How bad is the economy? The economy is so bad that I went to my bank to get a loan, they said, "What a coincidence! That's just what we were going to ask you!"
Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local Amish farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Zoo-keepers in China say their tigers have grown so tame that they're frightened of the chickens they're supposed to eat. The Chongqing Wild Animal Park has five rare adult white tigers which were originally trained to perform tricks for visitors. Zoo keepers have been trying to encourage them to follow their natural instincts by throwing them live chickens - but without success.
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Officer Hancock's police blotter:
Police and postal authorities in Marion, Iowa are investigating the case of a mail carrier who was allegedly found drunk inside a residence while on the job. Police said the postal worker was charged with public intoxication after she was found sitting on the kitchen floor of a 95-year-old woman's house, eating leftover noodles from her refrigerator.
This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!
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Rich's thought to ponder:
There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
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Visit our radio pro shop - click here!
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Rich's quote of of the day:
"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."
- Thomas Jefferson
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Flash From The Hancock News Service!
(The most powerful name in odd news)
Anti-terrorist police sealed off an airport terminal after mistaking 140lbs of frozen fish for a bomb. Armed SWAT teams evacuated terminal one at Hamburg airport, Germany. They leapt into action after police spotted two blue plastic wrapped packages on an apparently abandoned luggage carrier. But police smelt something fishy about the packages as they began to melt, filling the departure hall with the unmistakable aroma of rotting seafood.
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